Plan For Your Funeral

Planning for your own funeral could make life easier for the loved ones you'll leave behind.

A couple of weeks ago when my editor and I were discussing the sort of topics I might write about, I mentioned funeral planning. 'A bit depressing', I said, 'but something worth writing about at some point'. We decided there were other topics more worthy of consideration for the time being but then, last weekend, an old family friend suddenly died of a heart attack.

It's come as a huge shock. We were immensely fond of her. She'd never married or had children and she had been an 'adopted' part of my husband's family for nigh on 30 years - and, not only was she barely 60 but she had just built an extension to her house for her elderly mother so she could look after her in her final years. She was also the trusted Executor of my equally elderly father-in-law's Will, a co-signatory of his Power of Attorney, as well as the one who did his tax return each year. She wasn't the one who was supposed to die first!

Her siblings have, of course, arrived to look after Mother and sort out the funeral arrangements etc but they're operating blind because they're not local. They barely know us except that they know we were as important to her as she was to us.

Where's the Register Office to report the death and collect the required' green form' needed by the funeral directors? Which funeral director? How does all this work?

My husband and I have been able to point them in the right direction but only because we found ourselves in the same desperate situation when my mother-in-law died two and a half years ago.

The other thing they don't know is whether she made a Will and where it is. It might seem premature to be worrying about it when she only died last Sunday but it may well contain her wishes for her funeral. Did she want to be buried or cremated? Did she want a religious funeral or a humanist one? The family need to know this sort of thing. Now. And what if there's no Will? How do they decide what's best? They need directions.

Coincidentally, last week, the data analysts, Mintel, published some research about funeral planning. Apparently, around 70% of people surveyed said they'd like to plan their funerals to remove the burden from their loved ones. However, fewer than one in 20 had bothered to make any provision.

I hope that's not the case with our old friend. She was actually quite efficient with paperwork and she'd have certainly known exactly what to do if it had been her mum who had died. After discussions with us about our own experience with my husband's mother, she had it all planned out in her head. But did she leave any instructions in the event of her own death?

The thing is - she wasn't supposed to die first.