The Price Of Love

Emma Lunn explores the murky world of modern-day dating and asks the all important question: should the man pay?

Jennifer Lopez might have sung that Love Don't Cost A Thing but anyone who's played the dating game knows that's simply not true. Finding a partner is not free and certainly not simple as demonstrated on the Dating Debrief discussion board.

Love online

These days signing up to an online dating site seems to be the norm, with about a third of British single adults signed up to a dating service. Although most sites boast that you can join for free, you normally have to cough up a monthly subscription if you want to swap messages with other members -- which is kind of the whole point really.

The two best-known sites are Dating Direct (datingdirect.com) and Match (match.com), both of which have millions of active members in the UK. Although you can post a profile and search other people's profiles for free you have to pay to send and receive messages.

Typically the cost gets cheaper the longer you sign up for. For example, with Dating Direct one month's membership costs £22.80, three months costs £14.99 a month and six months £9.99 a month. In the past it has been known to offer a three-day membership for a few quid, clearly targeted at people confident they'll be snapped up straight away.

A guaranteed result

Match offers a `make love happen' guarantee which gives you six months' free membership if you don't find someone special within the first six months of joining. However the guarantee comes with plenty of caveats about how often you must log on to the site and contact new people.  Fortunately there are no rules saying you can't be fussy and dump  people for any of a multitude of sins such as working in IT, still living with their mums or being rude to waiters (a particular `deal-breaker' of mine).  But quite frankly, six months might be about the time when you decide to give up and get a cat instead.

Speed dating is another option for lonely hearts on a tight budget. For £20 or so you get around 15 to 20 three minute dates in an evening. It might seem like a short amount of time to get to know someone but, take it from me, it can be long enough to work out if you're going to tick the yes, no or friend box. You enter the results onto a website later and are informed if anyone you ticked as a `yes' or `friend' liked you too. For more details visit xfactordates.com or speeddater.co.uk.

Let's go Dutch?

Once you've sorted the wheat from the chaff on the internet or at a speed dating event, it's time for the fun part - the actual dates.

Going out on a date with someone for the first time throws up that age-old moral dilemma: should the man pay?

Well, yes, in my opinion, he should! Here's why:  Statistically men are still paid more than woman with last year's Chartered Management Institute saying the gender pay gap has increased to about 12%. While equal opportunities experts are plotting to close the gap, I think it's only fair that men spend the excess they earn on taking us ladies out. That way everything equals out nicely.

Another way to look at it is that women spend more money on pre-date preparation than men. While blokes feel a clean-ish shirt and a splash of deodorant is ready enough, us girls spend our hard-earned cash  getting plucked and preened to within an inch of our lives, not to mention splashing out on something new to wear or a swish haircut.

Whatever your views, the bill arriving is always a tricky date moment, second only to the kiss goodnight (or goodbye in the morning, if you get lucky) dilemma. Women will always think favourably of men who offer to pick up the tab and if the man in question has been a bit creative on his Dating Direct profile and the six foot Adonis you were expecting turns out to be a five foot two geek, paying is the least he can do.

But if the date went well it provides the perfect opportunity for the woman to offer to pay the next time.. which leads us nicely to the Holy Grail of dating, that all-elusive second date.

More: Got a dating story to share? Visit our Dating Debrief discussion boards!