My Favourite Foolish Financial Sayings

One Fool writer reveals his favourite Foolish, witty and amusing quotations. They make great lessons for life!

What I love about the Fool is its oblique, irreverent, almost mischievous attitude to the world of personal finance. Just like the jester in a medieval court, the Fool aims to tell the truth, while others around it fall for tall tales. What's more, the Fool's former mission statement (`Educate, Amuse, Enrich') is the best I've ever heard. By the way, did you know that the Fool jester is named Elvis? There are lots of Elvis Presley fans at US site Fool.com!

Today, I'd like to concentrate on the second of those three words by trying to amuse (and inspire) you. After all, who said money can't be funny?  Without further ado, here is a selection of my favourite Foolish financial sayings:

On planning ahead

"If you wish to reach the highest, begin at the lowest." (Publilius Syrus, a former Roman slave)

"Make no small plans for they have no power to stir the soul." (Niccolo Machiavelli)

"A person who never made a mistake, never tried anything new." (Albert Einstein)

"It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change." (Charles Darwin)

"Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other one thing." (Abraham Lincoln)

On budgeting

"The easiest way for your children to learn about money is for you not to have any." (Katharine Whitehorn)

"I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart." (E.E. Cummings)

"You should always live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so." (Josh Billings)

"One of the strange things about life is that the poor, who need money the most, are the very ones who never have it." (Finley Peter Dunne)

On spending

"I've got all the money I'll ever need - if I die by four o'clock this afternoon." (Henry Youngman)

"They say I wasted my money. I say 90% went on women, fast cars and booze. It was the rest I wasted." (George Best)

"My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income." (Errol Flynn)

"All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy." (Spike Milligan)

On debt

"Debt is the slavery of the free." (Publilius Syrus, again)

"If you owe the bank $100, that's your problem. If you owe the bank $100 million, that's the bank's problem." (John Paul Getty)

"I haven't reported my missing credit card to the police, because whoever stole it is spending less than my wife." (Ilie Nastase)

"I'm having the top bedroom of my house converted back into a loft. It should reduce the value of my home and make my mortgage repayments more affordable." (Harry Hill)

On saving

"Saving is a fine thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you." (Sir Winston Churchill)

"Save a little money each month and, at the end of the year, you'll be surprised at how little you have." (Ernest Haskins)

On insurance

"The problem with going abroad to commit voluntary euthanasia is finding the right travel insurance. When they ask you whether your trip is for business or pleasure and you reply `death', your premiums go through the roof." (Harry Hill)

On taxes

"Nothing hurts more than having to pay an income tax, unless it is not having to pay an income tax." (Sir Thomas Robert Dewar)

"There's nothing wrong with the younger generation that becoming taxpayers won't cure." (Dan Bennett)

"Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?" (Peg Bracken)

On investing

"The key to everything is patience. You get the chicken by hatching the egg, not by smashing it." (Arnold H Glasgow)

"To make a million, start with $900,000." (Morton Shulman)

"The safest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it in your pocket." (Kin Hubbard)

"I like buying companies that can be run by monkeys, because one day they will be." (Peter Lynch)

"Select stocks the way porcupines make love - very carefully." (Bob Dinda)

On wealth

"Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy." (Groucho Marx)

"Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be." (Rita Rudner)

"Do not be fooled into believing that because a man is rich he is necessarily smart. There is ample proof to the contrary." (Julius Rosenwald)

"If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to." (Dorothy Parker)

"No matter how rich you become, how famous or powerful, when you die the size of your funeral will still pretty much depend on the weather." (Michael Pritchard)

Here's to being forever Foolish!

More: Use the Fool to get out of debt, save sensibly and invest wisely.