You're better off as a kept woman

More than a quarter of women would like to be kept by their partner. Harvey Jones reckons they've got the right idea.

Well so much for women’s lib. So much for “I depend on me”. After a century of struggle for equal rights, 28% of females say they would like to be a “kept woman”, according to a new survey by website MyVoucherCodes.co.uk.

That’s right, nearly one in three women in post-feminist Britain want to do nothing more challenging than put on their false fingernails and scoot down the shops for some retail therapy, while their man brings home the bread.

Emmeline Pankhurst should be turning in her grave and Germaine Greer heading for the TV studios, but I have to say, I’m with you sisters. Work is dull, hard, repetitive, and in the vast majority of cases, the pay is rubbish too. Who wouldn’t want to be kept?

Just think of the things you could do in those extra 35 hours a week (plus commuting time) when you no longer have to work. Such as shopping, reading, travelling, learning to play a musical instrument or having scandalous affairs, all of which beats working.

Sounds great to me. What were the other 72% of women thinking?

If the clothes fit...

There’s a trend here. Last week, my girlfriend alerted me to an article written by a headmaster in a school in Essex, who said the girls were getting better and better results, but too many simply wanted to get a job working as a secretary in the City, marry a high flyer and divorce him a few years later. That way they were set up for life, money, freedom, the lot.

He thought this was a bad thing, and if I’m being honest, so do I. But you can’t call it irrational.

Funnily enough, some of the happiest women I know are “kept” women. A feminist friend of mine was earning good money at a big four accountancy firm but was exhausted, harassed and unhappy. She was so unhappy, she blew all her income on clothes that didn’t fit. Now she has three children, and she isn't going back to work. She’s a lot happier, a yummy earth mummy pottering around the garden, writing the odd poem and buying clothes that don’t fit, only this time using her husband’s money. Luckily for her, he has quite a lot of it.

She definitely prefers being a kept woman, but she’s one of the lucky few. All my other friends need to work for a living, and I bet you do too.

The lion on your sofa

These rogue females, this 28%, aren’t fools. They know most women still earn lower salaries than men for doing the same work. And when they get home, joints groaning and bunions aflame, they’re expected to do most of the housework and kiddie care as well. Survey after survey shows that women still do the lion’s share of domestic chores. One in five men still do nothing around the home (although they might argue that when England are playing, watching football counts as a chore).

No wonder they dream of being kept instead. But that’s what it is, a dream.  Which sex is getting all the best exam results these days? That’s right. Which sex now forms the majority of university students? You got it. Which sex are increasingly doctors, lawyers, scientists? Yup.

And which sex prefers to sit around all day scratching themselves, fiddling with their Xboxes and periodically grunting for more beer? Men. And 28% of women are hoping to be kept by them.

Good luck.

Am I my girlfriend’s keeper?

All you women who want to be kept, I’ve got heartbreaking news. It isn’t going to happen. But the next best thing to being kept, financially speaking, is being in a couple.

Being single is expensive. Hideously expensive. The added cost of living alone, as opposed to living in a couple, adds up to more than £250,000 over a lifetime, according to new research from price comparison site uSwitch.com. Mortgages, rent, council tax, food, holidays and entertaining all costs a lot more when you have to go it alone. The average singleton spends £11,904 a year on essentials, compared to just £7,110 for someone living with a spouse or partner.

We can all dream of being kept (and frankly, that 28% were only briefly indulging a happy dream), but the next best thing is being in a couple. That way instead of being kept, you can keep each other (a much healthier arrangement).

Your partner may never be rich enough to keep you in the style to which you would like to become accustomed, but don’t be too hard on them, it is tougher on your own.

Provided they don’t expect you to keep them.

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