Read our definitive guide to splitting a bill in a restaurant.
You’re having a fantastic night out at a restaurant, eating fabulous food, drinking fabulous wine, enjoying fabulous company. And then the bill arrives. And so does the stress.
We’ve all been there. Unless you and everyone you’re with is loaded/out celebrating a lottery win, the act of bill-splitting is often fraught with tension. Do you take the simplest route, and split the bill evenly, by the number of people who were there? Is that fair to the people who didn’t order as much as everyone else, perhaps because they are vegetarian, teetotal, on a diet or just plain old broke?
Then again, you’re on a night out, and no one really wants to be one of those people who gets the calculator on their phone out and starts totting everything up... But if you don’t, you have to put up with those people who say ‘this will cover what I ordered’ and secretly don’t bother to include a tip.
Plus, if you go down the ‘pay for exactly what you ordered’ route, you start getting into conversations like: ‘Donna, you should pay for part of a starter.’ Me: ‘Why? I didn’t order one!’ Them: ‘Yeah but you did eat one spring roll and a chicken satay.’ Me: ‘It was half a spring roll and two-thirds of a chicken satay, and no one else wanted it. What was I supposed to do, die of starvation while food goes to waste?’
At least, that’s how the conversation would play out in my head, but in reality, I’m far too cowardly and English to ever say any of that. I usually just do as I’m told in these situations and try to accept whatever happens with good grace. In other words, I tend to leave the decision about how to split the bill to whoever feels strongest about it – just to avoid any aggro. But sometimes that means I’m left fuming inside. Not to mention out of pocket!
To avoid this situation, whatever situation you find yourself in, just ask yourself the following questions:
Do you know roughly how much the other diners earn?
In my opinion, if there is a big, obvious discrepancy between the incomes of some of the people you are eating with – if say, you’re a lowly journalist and they all work in an investment bank, or you’re with colleagues on different pay levels – then I think everyone should pay only for what they ordered, plus of course each should give a 10% tip.
If you reckon you all earn around the same amount, then I think the easy option – splitting the total bill by the number of people – is simple and fair to take.
How well do you know the other diners?
The same goes for meals with people you don’t know very well. After all, if you’re just met them, why should you subsidise their order of the most expensive item on the menu, while you attempted to fill up on salad, bread and water? Or the other way round – perhaps you did the ordering of the ridiculously expensive wine and Wagyu beef steak, and unknown to you, some of your newfound friends are suffering from very real money worries. In these situations, your ignorance of your friends’ money situations means you should err on the side of caution and split the bill according to your individual orders.
If you know each other really well, and often dine out together, then I’d just split the bill by the number of people for convenience’s sake. After all, you can always order something more expensive/less expensive next time you go out. (Or choose a less expensive restaurant!)
Is it a meal with lots of couples?
If it’s a night out with your partner, and (this is important) absolutely everyone else is in couples, then the bill should be split by couples.
That way, if you want to, you can pay for your share from a joint account (to which, potentially, you do not contribute equally), or one of you can pay for both meals (if it’s a night out with your friends whom your partner secretly dislikes, for example).
Again, whether it’s split by individual orders or split by the number of couples should depend on how well you know each other and whether each couple probably earns roughly around the same amount.
Is it a special occasion?
If it’s a birthday, then I think you have to accept that the rest of the party may wish to pay the bill of the birthday boy or girl’s meal, and that, if so, it would be wrong of you to object to this. Again, it will probably depend on how rich your mutual friends are (and how generous they are feeling).
The easiest way to make this gesture is to split the bill by the number of people minus one, but if you’re not happy about this, simply suggest that everyone pays for their own meals, plus a tip and an equal share of the birthday boy or girl’s meal.
Are you dining out with family?
All families are different, but when I dine out members of my family, they tend to pay the entire bill if they are staying with me in my flat, and I pay the entire bill if I’ve gone to visit them and am staying with them in their home. I see it as returning the hospitality that has been given while simultaneously treating the people you love.
I think this is fair, but if I was a lot better or worse off than my relatives, I would have no qualms in saying yes if the wealthier party offered to pick up the entire bill, always. They are family after all!
Are you on a date?
I know a male friend whose date told the waiter she was happy to pay her share of the bill, because otherwise my friend would expect her to sleep with him. Yes, she actually said that... in front of my friend!
Needless to say, my friend didn't end up in relationships with his date!
So be careful. Bill splitting on dates is truly a minefield. The fact is, many women still expect the man to at least offer to pay the entire bill. If you don’t want to, I think that’s fair enough – but be prepared for the fact that your decision may come as a nasty shock to the lady you’re trying to woo.
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