Who were the winners and losers in this year's Budget?
What changes were announced in the Budget?
Before I tell you that, I think it's important to make sure you are clear on the fact that everything - and I do mean everything - is a lot better now than it was in 1997. Our economy is just fantastic! I mean, have you taken the time lately to reflect on just how much money has been invested in public services? Isn't it wonderful?
...Or so Mr Darling would have us believe.
OK, so I was warned the Chancellor's speech might be dull - but there's dull, and then there's dull.
But the good news is, you don't have to listen to it all. And I can move on to the stuff that was actually worth listening to.
So, who were the winners and losers of this year's budget?
Sinners Will Suffer
If there was one key message in this year's budget, I'd say it was: if you're a sinner, you will suffer.
The Budget happened to fall on National No Smoking Day this year, and the Chancellor rose to the occasion by increasing the price of a packet of cigarettes by 11p.
And it's not only the wallets of those nasty smokers which are being squeezed. From Sunday, the price of alcohol will rise by 6% above inflation, adding 14p to a bottle of wine and 55p to a bottle of spirits. Beer is up 4p a pint.
This trend will continue with 2% duty rises above inflation on alcohol each year for the next four years. A sobering thought, indeed.
Gas-guzzling drivers and environmentally-unfriendly car manufacturers were also being whacked with the Chancellor's battered red briefcase. A major reform of vehicle excise duty is planned as an ‘incentive' for drivers to reduce carbon emissions.
So, from 2009, the lowest-polluting cars will pay no road tax in the first year. To make up the difference, there will be a new, higher rate for the highest-polluting cars. Fuel duty will also rise by 0.5p a litre in real terms in 2010, and the Chancellor is setting aside funding for road-pricing proposals to reduce congestion.
All this means that, if you're a driver, you're likely to face higher costs over the coming years.
There is a bit of silver lining, however. The expected 2p increase in fuel duty that was due to be levied from April has been postponed until October, the following recent increases in the price of oil to record levels.
In this way, Darling is clearly trying to please the environmental lobby and simultaneously avoid those awful £5 a gallon headlines. Walking a tightrope is never easy - I doubt either side will feel he's done enough.
Winners Are Worthy
If sinners must suffer then, by process of elimination, the winners must be worthy. And so they are.
Pensioners, for example, will benefit from a substantial increase in their Winter Fuel Allowance, up from £200 to £250 for the over 60s, and up from £300 to £400 for the over 80s.
Or at least, it seems substantial. Actually, Age Concern wanted to see the benefit for over-60s increased a further £50 to £300, following the recent huge price hikes by energy companies.
The Chancellor also emphasised he wants to see better deals for the five million energy customers on pre-payment meters, and more cheap ‘social tariffs' offered by energy suppliers to the most financially vulnerable. Sadly, however, he didn't announce any steps to ensure these goals are this carried out.
Still, he did announce some good news for families on benefits. From October 2009, the Chancellor will make sure families on benefit are better off in work by changing the current eligibility standards for housing and council tax benefit. Child benefit will also be increased to £20 a week from April 2009 and there will be an extra £17 a week for poor families with one child.
The Government also plans to encourage those on low incomes to save with a national roll-out of its ‘savings gateway' scheme in 2010. This scheme, which has already been piloted in five areas of the UK, offers low-income savers matched funding from the Government for the money they save.
Further worthy reforms include maintaining Gift Aid at 22% in April, even though the Basic Rate of tax will fall to 20% (as announced last year).
What's more, key public sector workers who get on the property ladder via ‘affordable' housing schemes will not have to pay Stamp Duty until they own 80% of their home.
While this is certainly a step forward, it is unlikely to have much impact of the affordability of housing in this country, or indeed, ease the financial pressure on the vast majority of first-time buyers struggling with tighter lending conditions.
The Wider Economy
The Chancellor predicts the British economy will grow by 1.75% to 2.25% this year, down from 3% last year, and that public spending in the coming three years will grow by 2.2% a year.
Oh, and apparently the British economy is fighting fit and in good shape to see out the worst of the current global economic crisis. But then, you didn't have any doubts about that, did you?