The secret your lover's too ashamed to tell you

When everyone is assumed to have money troubles it's perhaps not surprising that we're being more open about it.

Debt is everywhere nowadays; people, countries, even continents. When future historians review the years after the turn of the millennium they’ll think that all we ever discussed was money, and the lack of it.

But while the newspapers are full of references to the latest Greek bailout or euro and dollar currency woes, at a personal level debt can still be an intensely embarrassing issue to talk about.

‘Partner unaware’ and unaware partners

When people phone our Helpline we ask them whether their partner is aware of their debt and we respect any request to keep their problem private. In these situations we don’t send letters or emails that anyone could spot as coming from a debt help organisation, and we agree codewords to identify ourselves in phone conversations. We can be incredibly discreet.

However, over the past few years this type of subterfuge hasn’t been requested as much.

Last week CCCS released figures that showed the number of people who are admitting their debt to partners is increasing.

Since 2008 we’ve seen a downward slide in the number of clients whose partners were ignorant of their debt, and more openness between couples on the state of their finances. This can only be a good thing for personal, emotional health.

In 2008, 11.4% of all people counselled by CCCS requested a ‘partner unaware’ flag on their records. In 2009, in the aftermath of the financial crash, this fell to 8.5% of clients. Last year, as the consequences of the austerity measures kicked in, the number of ‘partner unawares’ fell further, to 7%.

In absolute numbers this fall equates to over 3,000 people. Those 3,000 people, who may have hidden their debt in 2008 from their spouse, were, by 2010, willing to talk through their problems with their nearest and dearest.

It’s a brave thing to do, but it’s for the best.

Job loss, the main cause of discussions over debt

Of course when you think of the main reason a person’s debt could become unmanageable and compare it to the current UK economic situation, it’s not surprising that more partners are aware of money worries.

With the rise in unemployment between 2008 and 2010 it’s to be expected that more couples are talking, and talking to us, about their money worries, even if it’s because their situation forces their hand.

After all, you can’t really hide losing your job - the main cause of problem debt in 2010 - from your significant other (although we do remember Tom Wilkinson trying to do that in The Full Monty).

Our External Affairs Director, Delroy Corinaldi, said about the stats: "I think part of the reason for this new trend is that people think very differently about credit and debt than they did before the credit crunch and economic downturn.”

He’s completely right; everyone knows that the majority of UK citizens are suffering a loss in personal wealth as a result of the downturn, and that that the availability of credit has dried up. As a result, the stigma of debt has perhaps been lessened.

Simply put, to be in unmanageable debt when times were good in the mid-2000s was seen as a failure to be hidden - how could you not make money when everyone else seemingly was? Now it’s seen as an unfortunate and understandable side effect of the current economic climate.

And the word 'debt' is so ubiquitous across the media that it seems like a natural state of affairs. It’s like an economic version of George Orwell’s ‘perpetual war’ – it’s ever-present nowadays. That’s depressing, but at least it makes the topic of personal debt easier to broach.

Talk talk

The ‘partner unaware’ figures are still too high. The 7% of our 2010 clients who hadn’t talked to their partner about their debt equates to around 14,000 people. That’s 14,000 relationships where one of them is currently going through the emotional pain of debt but unable to talk with the other about it.

Personal debt doesn’t just mean being short of money; it brings with it the increased likelihood of mental health issues. Talking about debt reduces this strain.

Whether you’re in a position to talk to your partner about your finances or not, you can talk to CCCS. We offer anonymous, online debt help or counselling over the phone, and we can help you with your debt burden, emotionally as well as financially.

We advise that it’s better for your mental wellbeing to talk about your debt to your significant other, as thousands of others are doing, but we’ll be there whatever you choose to do.