Don't Be Swayed By Estate Agent Jargon
If you're currently trying to work out what estate agents say and what they actually mean, here's an A to Z of popular terms and their true meanings.
Estate agents always feature high up on the list of `least trusted professions' which appears every year or so. Some people, it seems, even trust them less than they trust us hacks. But at least writers say it as we see it. I think much of estate agent's poor reputation comes from the way they try and bamboozle us with property descriptions.
So, if you're currently trying to work out what estate agents say and what they actually mean, an A to Z of popular terms and their true meanings are below:
Borders: As in `Dulwich borders' or `Blackheath borders' in London. Basically a rather loose term to describe anywhere within a 10-mile radius of somewhere half decent.
Charming: Another word for small, pokey or tiny.
Community feel: The neighbours have had to get together to do something about crime levels. `Community' can also indicate the presence of a busybody who will monitor your every move and report back to the neighbours regarding the number of visitors of the opposite sex you have.
Compact: You can cook the dinner while you're in the shower without losing sight of the TV.
Convenient for: A somewhat misleading description that could mean anything. `Convenient for local amenities' usually means it's not far from the shops -- if you have a car. `Convenient for transport links' tends to mean the house vibrates whenever a bus goes past or that the A2 actually touches the end of the garden.
Deceptively spacious: You have been deceived if you consider this spacious.
Garden flat: A dodgy dark basement with a small piece of concrete outside. Alternatively, the ground floor in a block of flats with a shared garden. Your neighbours will spend most of their time having BBQs right outside your bedroom window.
Good use of space: There's no room for the fridge in the kitchen so it's in the living room while the washing machine is in the bathroom. It might also have something strange like a bedroom leading off another bedroom.
Ideal for investors: You wouldn't want to live there yourself but some desperate renters will probably go for it.
Near local nightlife: Don't expect to get to sleep until the clubs have shut and be ready to clear the takeaway wrappers from the front garden each morning.
Original features: No work whatsoever has ever been done on this property since it was built in the early 1900s.
Potential: Ideal for a DIY enthusiast with lots of time and money on their hands who doesn't mind living in a dump.
Quiet neighbourhood: Your neighbours will object to you starting your car before 8am or having more than two visitors at a time.
Sought after location: You'll be gazumped at the last minute by a money-grabbing capitalist landlord.
Up and coming area: Presently down and out -- it can only get better.
Updating: Interchangeable with `modernising". If a property needs either updating or modernising it generally needs knocking down and starting again.
Viewing recommended: There's nothing good to say about it but if you see the inside and use your imagination there's a slim chance you might like it a little bit.
Village: Could mean one of two things. Either it's nothing like a village but there are one or two independent shops or cafes which give it a `village' feel, or it's a ghost town where everyone stops speaking when a stranger enters the local pub.
West: (also East, South, North). Used when the property's in an undesirable area but not far from somewhere not too bad - e.g. London's Battersea could be East Chelsea.
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ESTATE AGENTS GREED Had an estate agent value my house yesterday, "£330,000", he criticised my extension that was built 25 years ago, said surveyors are always picking holes in extensions and as mine needs plastering outside it will put buyers off, the back does need some plastering and some internal decorating, but isn't that bad, however I have 3 bedrooms, 3 reception rooms, 2 toilets, big kitchen, big garden, is semi detached, Edwardian and in a cull-de-sac, near to grammar and church schools and fantastic transport, My neighbours house attached to me has only one toilet, 2 reception rooms, a small kitchen and was sold 3 years ago for £317,500. how on earth can my house be worth a tiny bit more than my neighbours was 3 years ago and mine's bigger, in reasonable condition and house prices have gone up massively . I think the estate agent is unscrupulous and dealing in dodgy dealings, my house would have been snapped up at that price, done up a bit and sold on for another £100,000 and more, interesting article on the internet of the scams estate agents do and underpricing is very common, Mr estate agent you wont be getting a nice Christmas present from me. ------------------------ Spoken to a chartered Building Surveyor and explained that the estate agent valued my house thousands lower, he said that this practice is on the increase because of the lack of properties and many builders are giving estate agents money to get properties on the cheap especially when they are in need of some work. ------------------- The third estate agent arrived giggling like a tipsy teenager, she was about 50, she became my long lost friend, I knew everything about her, her husbands' job, her mother, daughter, grandson and although she was the owner she said she lived in a down market area, The previous estate agent got talking about sado sex, and apparently did karate like my son, he was the one who walked around my house like a cross between a detective and surveyor, deliberately letting me see him look worryingly at a minor crack The third estate agent repeated several times that my house needed a lot of work, suddenly I felt ashamed I'm living here, in a house perhaps is worthless and needs condemning, that I must sell it quick and cheap, she definitely was having a psychological affect on me. When agents view a property they take recently sold properties in your local area to show what you can expect to get. I wondered how anyone would know how much a property is worth until they've seen it, as there are so many differences in all properties locally,and I'm not talking about hundreds of thousands but many thousands, we lose thousands because of estate agents greed and ignorance. When the third estate agent showed me a house that had sold recently,I was shocked, as it was the house of someone I know who had recently sold it for £460,000," she had written above the blurred photocopy £334.000 with a line going through the price, at first I thought the house had come back on the market and the priced dropped, I said I know that house, she looked uncomfortable and expertly guided me away whilst I didn't have time to question her, afterwards the house did sell for £460,000 but came back on the market for the same price. I feel confused at what price I can get as I've had 3 estate agents with price ranges from £320,000 to £360.000. I have nothing to loose by asking for £430,000 which I think its worth, If I don't get any interest then I may stay put. I don't want to go to any agent as I don't feel I can trust them
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When this article was first run, my comment was deleted because it touched a raw nerve with some people, estate agents maybe? therefore I'll try to be more tactful this time.[br/]Anyone who takes the slighest notice of estate agent speak should not be buying a property in the first place as they are gullible.[br/]Look at the property, draw your own conclusions and make a decision based on your own thoughts not EA gibberish.
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Just goes to show that EAs contribute little to selling houses other than to provide a shop window. The best they can do in marketing is fall back on daft cliches. Incidentally, for those who believe agents work for the vendor, in reality they are working for themselves: they will do whatever they can to ensure a sale.
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27 October 2013