Stop Steve messing up Marianne's finances!

Harvey Jones needs your help to save his friend Marianne from the selfish finances of her partner Steve...

You know how it is when a close friend finds a new partner who really needles you, and you can't do a thing about it?

Well that's what's happened with our friend Marianne and her new man Steve, who is rude, arrogant, childish and insecure, as his ex-wife and two estranged teenage children would no doubt testify.

Curiously, Marianne thinks he is charming, talented, modest and confident, and the ideal man to spend the rest of her life with (believe me, an evening is enough). She's just bought a flat with him, and now they're trying to work out the finer points of how to manage their joint finances.

I can't stop Marianne from moving in with Steve, but with your help, I can stop him from making a hash of her finances if the relationship goes wrong.

Things you don't learn at school...

Marianne is 39 and a primary school teacher. She has no children, having failed to find the right man despite hard dating in her thirties, and Steve, 41, doesn't want more. He has had a mixed career in estate agency, banking and used cars, and is now something in sales.

They have just had an offer accepted on a £250,000 two-bed flat in the suburbs of Watford and hope to move in by the end of February.

They're excited, naturally, but in a recent Christmas visit they were haggling over the finer details of cohabiting, and I wanted to pass on some words of sage advice to Marianne when she visits us again next week (alone). Can you help?

TV or not TV?

The question of money came up when they started talking about buying a TV. They need a new one, and Marianne was happy with a modest 27-inch screen, while Steve was demanding a 46-inch plasma jobbie with unique image-analysis technology and advanced networking capabilities.

"It's all about viewing distance," he said, sneering at our modest 32-incher. "Your TV is far too small for this room, Harvey. Personally, I wouldn't find that viewing distance at all acceptable."

Did I mention that he was patronising as well?

 "But it'll cost a fortune," Marianne countered. "The one you want is around £1,200."

"It's my money".

"Yes. But we also need a kitchen table, washing machine and dishwasher, and even you agree the stinky old bathroom suite has to go. If you blow your budget on your precious TV, am I supposed to buy the rest on my own?"

"It's my money, I can do with it what I like," he pouted, repeating his previous answer because he hadn't found a better one.

I find Steve annoying, but my girlfriend Ingrid loathes him with a passion. I notice her fumbling for the carving knife, and quietly intervene.

Single together

In his cackhanded way, Steve had raised an important point. When two people earn money separately, how do you decide how that money is spent? Ironically, the answer is easier if you have kids together, you just shove all your money into a single pot and hope it lasts the month. Things become more complicated when dealing with two single adults.

Marianne and Steve have split the house purchase and mortgage repayments 50:50, even though Steve lets it drop (twice) that he earns £5,000 more than she does. They also plan to split energy and council tax bills down the middle.

"But what about the day-to-day bills?" Ingrid exploded. "While Steve gets his plasma TV, I bet Marianne spends loads of her money on little essentials like washing powder, toothpaste, curtains, napkins and candles," she continues, confusing Steve, who clearly doesn't view napkins and candles as essentials. "If you break up, Steve gets his TV, and Marianne will have got nothing for her money."

No accounting for taste

I suggested that they pool their money in a joint bank account, but this delighted nobody. They had grown used to living alone, and neither of them had any desire to renounce their separate bank accounts.

I then suggested they take out a joint account, and pay in a set amount of money each month to cover bills and purchases. They said they'd give it a thought, but my suggestion raised as many questions as it solves.

Should the account exclude big ticket purchases, such as Steve's TV? If so, who pays for, say, the kitchen table? Does it cover napkins and candles and all those other girly accessories that will make the house nicer for both of them, but only Marianne will buy? Should it cover Christmas presents for friends, again, which Steve will never buy? Or food when friends visit? Should they sit down each month and pore over every item of spending? How romantic is that?

Territorial disputes

Steve doesn't know how lucky he is. First, to have met Marianne. Second, Ingrid never found a sharp enough knife.

He is clearly staking his territory with that TV and perhaps he's right. After all, he's moving in with a territorial master: a female.

But I'm at a loss to suggest how they should sort out their bank account difficulties, and I think there's quite a lot at stake, particularly since Steve mentioned something about having debt problems in the past.

But I'm not convinced this relationship will go the distance, and I want to help Marianne get out of this relationship what she puts into it, financially at least. Any views? Please post your opinions about what Marianne should do using the comments box below.

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