Seven easy ways to get stuff for free

Stop paying for stuff! If you're shameless, you can save a small fortune. Warning: these are seven of the stingiest tips in the world....

Why pay for stuff, when you can get it for free? If you don't mind alienating your friends and risking a criminal record, you can save £££s on things that other people meekly shell out for.

Most of the following are good, sensible tips that anybody can try, although I should warn you that you do run the risk of alienating your friends, colleagues, neighbours and relatives. But surely that's a risk worth taking, to save those pennies?

Here goes:

1. Get free mobile phone calls

Owning a mobile is expensive, you don't use any of the gadgets, and almost everybody else has got one. That means if you need to make an emergency phone call, a handy mobile is as close as your nearest friend. This works particularly well for costly advanced applications.

Say you're in a pub on a Saturday afternoon, and desperately want to know a football result. You could spend £££s dialling into the WAP on your pricey mobile (if you can work it) or YOU CAN ASK A FRIEND TO CHECK ON THEIRS.

I have spent the last three football seasons getting instant, up-to-date score alerts without spending a penny, simply by saying: "Oi, mate, you couldn't just check the footie scores?" You are actually doing them a favour, because it gives them a chance to show off their phone, and they invariably want to know the scores as well. Result!

NB. You can probably nab your friends' phones to make the odd "emergency" outgoing call, but asking to use their number for all your coming calls might be a bit gauche....

2. Everybody knows a Ben (or techie equivalent)

I saw a T-shirt logo recently that made me laugh. It read: Everybody Knows a Dave. And it's true, everybody does know a Dave, but even more useful than knowing a Dave, is to know a Ben. I always like to keep a computer geek handy, and for years, it was loyal, lovable Ben. He helped me assemble my first computer (correction, he assembled my first computer) and was an endless reservoir of free support, software, upgrades, computer leads and hardware cast-offs. Good old Ben.

When I moved house, I rebooted to a Ben 2.0. He is called John. If you can't get a Ben, get a John. He got me free phone calls from Skype, free anti-virus software from AVG and firewall security from ZoneAlarm, plus all the usual techie cast-offs. And in return? He gets my friendship. Geeks need friends, so it's a fair trade.

3. Boo-hoo, poor me

Tell all your friends how desperately skint you are, and they will give you plenty of free stuff just to shut you up. I have just used this method to secure a free pair of cycling shoes from my buddy, Mark. I had rashly agreed to accompany him on a 120-mile cycle race, then continuously grumbled about all the expensive kit I had to buy to keep up. His shoes were a good fit, and saved me £100. He also offered me some cast-off Lycra cycling shorts as well, but after I discovered proper cyclists don't wear pants under them, I made my excuses.

4. Get free books and DVDs.

Richard has a massive collection of books and DVDs and has clearly spent a lot of money on them. How silly. Every time I visit, I purr over them, and remark on his exquisite taste, until he has no choice but to say "Help yourself". I take good care of them, and return them quickly, because that way I get to borrow more. Richard also has a subscription to Sky Sports. I watch a lot of football at his house.

5. Remember me!

Relatives are always fair game, particularly older relatives. Every time I'm in London, I stay with my mum and dad, and take full advantage of my mother's cooking and father's wine collection.

But why stop at your folks? Any relative older than you is fair game. They will be so delighted that a younger family member has invited them out for a meal they will happily pick up the tab. Everybody's happy! And if they are a bit slow on the uptake, thank them profusely the second the waiter puts the bill on the table.

6. Neighbours also make good cooks

When compiling ideas for this article, my editor Donna suggested that advising all you readers that if you smell the neighbours cooking dinner, drop by and remark how lovely it smells. You'll be in for a slap-up feed!

Little did she know I already do this with my Indian neighbour. I love cooking Indian food, but all those spices cost money, so I never miss an opportunity to talk chutney and chapattis to Samira, and she never misses an opportunity to let me taste the fruits of her labours.

7. Sponsored stinginess

If all this is giving you a bad conscience (it isn't doing much for mine), you can redeem yourself. Get your friends and colleagues to sponsor your attempts to get out of paying for stuff, and feed a third world child! Tell them your stinginess is all for charity. You could draw up a sliding scale of payments, say, 5p for every free mobile call, 20p per blagged DVD, and so on. You can take things too far, you know.

Stop press

I have just thought of an indignity that I wouldn't inflict on myself in the pursuit of money saving excellence. A friend once told me that on her first, disastrous, date, her gawky teenage beau was perusing the laminated menu and unthinkingly scraped off a crust of spilled food and put it in his mouth. That is no way to save on restaurant food (although it will save on the cost of future dates).

Your tips?

Now let's see if you all can produce an equally ruthless list of money saving tips. Share yours using the comments box below!

This is a classic article which was updated in April 2010.

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