Being a carer: I quit my job to look after my mum
To mark National Carers' Week, our writer looks at the impact family illness has had on her working life.
Just over two years ago, my mother had an epileptic seizure for the first time.
She’d never experienced any symptoms before. It was a total shock for our family.
At the time, I was living in London, renting by myself and working in corporate communications for high-street banks, which left me little time to see my family hundreds of miles away in Hull.
When I discovered my mother was ill – not to sound too apocalyptic… she is mainly well, but does experience the fatigue, dizziness and nausea associated with epilepsy – it got me thinking.
Did I really enjoy London life? Was I a terrible daughter?
With such questions nagging at me, I resolved to return to my native Hull.
My career plan? Working from home as a freelance journalist while making a much more active contribution to family life.
My situation is far from unique. According to Carers UK, there are approximately 6.5 million carers in the UK.
This figure equates to approximately one in eight adults and is set to rise to nine million by 2037.
So, what has this decision meant for my career?
The shock of shifting priorities
I’ve gone from spending 10 hours a day in a busy office to sitting alone in my bedroom frantically typing away on my laptop when I get the chance to work.
During my years with FTSE 100 companies, my calendar was dominated by reminders for client meetings and press deadlines.
Now my meetings are with neurologists and my Outlook pop-ups let me know it’s time to pick up another round of anti-seizure medication.
The new lifestyle has its ups and downs.
I certainly don’t feel nostalgic for spending three hours a day on commuter trains, but I do miss being at the centre of professional life.
Why care homes are inadequate and loaded with debt
New opportunities
My change in circumstances may have derailed my decade-old career path, but it also brings welcome changes.
I’m suddenly writing on topics that have secretly fascinated me for decades.
Covering local arts exhibitions may have less kudos than discussing strategy with CEOs, but it’s closer to the vision of my career I’d had as a teenager.
I’ve also started volunteering in the gardens at a local hospice.
Pulling weeds up from between paving stones is, I’m surprised to discover, a welcome reprieve from office politics and workplace buzzwords.
It’s a literal and a metaphorical breath of fresh air.
Caring and finances
Money is a constant concern for carers: with worries about overdraft fees and Council Tax whispering in the ear at 3.49 am.
If you care for someone at least 35 hours a week, you could receive a £64.60-a-week Carer’s Allowance.
Learn more about Carer’s Allowance on this Government website.
While this money is no doubt a help, Carers UK points out that’s a sum equal to just £1.85 per hour compared with the minimum wage of £6.70.
There’s another catch: carers can only earn a maximum of £120 a week and continue to claim.
That’s a big issue if you’re also trying to maintain some semblance of a career.
Thanks to freelance commissions, I often (though not always) bring home above this amount.
You can be constantly skint, but not quite skint enough to qualify for Government help.
Again, I’m not alone, with more than three million people in the UK juggling work and caring.
If you find yourself in a similar position, you could be eligible for Carer’s Credit – a National Insurance Credit for those who care for someone at least 20 hours per week.
Learn more about Carer’s Credit on this Government website.
How to pay for the cost of care
A new type of networking
Another surprise to come from my new life has been the support from others in similar situations.
It’s a different type of networking than I’d experienced in the London media bubble – free from scapegoating and one-upmanship.
I’ve recently met a fellow freelance journalist who is a carer to her severely autistic son.
Last week, we lamented our woes over a bottle of pinot grigio and she offloaded about a recent freelance disaster.
She’d been commissioned on an urgent project that needed to be completed that day.
Her son’s school called with news he’d had an autistic meltdown.
She needed to pick him up immediately, missed her deadline and now the company won’t work with her again.
Her family commitments are far more demanding than my own, but her story is just one example of the commitment needed by talented, experienced professionals who pause their own ambitions in the face of caring responsibilities.
Carers: where to get help
If you’re caring for someone, there are a number of organisations that can provide support:
National Carers Week runs from 11-17 June 2018.
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I too had to give up work (early retirement in my case) to care for my wife who had been battling MS since 1980. That battle was eventually lost 10 years ago after a serious fall. The NHS and OT have been very helpful and I have all the equipment I need, wheelchair, hoist, commode etc., so I couldn't complain - until it dawned on me that all this "support" is actually driven by economics. It is far cheaper for me to do all the caring. And by the way, once I started collecting the State Pension, the Carer's Allowance stops - you CANNOT have both. I dread the day when I can no longer cope. The prospect of her going into Care sends shivers down my spine. Not only do I fear the quality of care, but also the cost - we own our own home outright so nothing is safe. Had I been living in a Council House or receiving Housing Benefit, everything would be provided - so much for working hard all my life!
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I meant to use "partner" instead of wife in my first example - care goes all ways
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The care system in this country is unfit for purpose. Consider two examples - a wife who does not normally work or earn any income is easily able to claim a care allowance. A carer who works a normal job after getting their partner up in the morning, comes home lunchtime to cook them a meal and then cares for them all evening, all night and all weekend - In fact the carer even has to pay someone else to pop in 3-4 times a day to check on the partner. This carer is the one more likely to be desperate while the carer who has never worked anyway is not actually losing any income. I am not suggesting that the non working carer doesn't deserve help - just that the working carer does too - if only to compensate for the complete loss of any leisure or relaxation time.
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11 June 2018